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Rejected Scripts

by M.A. Bakker

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1.
“In which a vagabond finds a new headpiece, and new confidence.” In the summer In the city In a dumpster in the street That's where I found it I looked around me And there was no-one to be seen I took a breath I took a dive I felt the trash and I felt alive This is how it started Next morning Sunday morning Feel different to the core I don't remember Whatever happened I'm not myself and I'm not sure Get on my feet I touch my head I feel the hat, I feel so fine Tell us 'bout the hat now So black So high Even the heat don't dare Look me in the eye Round edge Smooth sides I'm the king of tramps now baby Watch me as I fly This hat is an amazing hat Keeps me warm while I still look cool From a bum straight to a real class act Stylish and sweet He's the king of the street Black Betty Raw Freddy Fat Ed and mr. Chang My new minions My hat companions We've invented our own slang It's my domain You don't complain You pick the street I name the price Now we're getting somewhere Conclusion A great fusion Of function and of style I was a no-one But now I'm someone And I will be for some while A pimp pope A bum boss A tyrant tramp, a cool clochard Tell us 'bout the hat now So black So high Even the heat don't dare Look me in the eye Round edge Smooth sides I'm the king of tramps now baby Watch me as I fly This hat is an amazing hat Keeps me warm while I still look cool From a bum straight to a real class act Stylish and sweet He's the king of the street We are walking the streets To the sound of the beat Everybody wants to see the hat It’s black and tall, and cooler than y’all A sight you won’t forget I’m like a gorilla, with a roar like Godzilla When I’m walking down my turf I smite the few, that don’t do like I do So you better not get on my nerves Like a big scary bat with a sizeable hat I’m soaring in the dark of the night I got nothing to fear, got nothing to do I guess that’s quite alright This is the end of the song, And I’d love to go on But we’re running out of time If you like this beat just press ‘repeat’ And you’re gonna be just fine
2.
“In which a monarch undervalues his privileges, and dreams of the simple life.” I’m thinking of a major break A furlough from this daily grind I’m thinking bout some R & R in Spain A weekend kicking balls and stuff Relieved from my old reign This crown drives me insane It’s a dirty job But someone’s got to do it Sure it looks like fun Though there’s really not much to it Taking heads and lands Maidens and taxes Wearing custom made costumes And free Disneyland access Shooting craps with the Pontiff, Though he’s quite the boring dude I wish I was a worthless peon just like you I’m aching for a holiday A beach resort in Koh Samui I’m dreaming of bikinis in the sand No whippings for a day or nine No jousts and no crusades Just Thai Sabais in spades It’s a dirty job But someone’s got to do it Sure it looks like fun Though there’s really not much to it Taking heads and lands Maidens and taxes Wearing custom made costumes And free Disneyland access Shooting craps with the Pontiff, Though he’s quite the boring dude I wish I was a worthless peon just like you
3.
“In which a young couple takes desperate measures to dodge the WWII draft.” The Voice of America Whispers in our ears “All tough boys Go pack your bags” A message in a grimmish tone We, for now, ignore I light another Chesterfield Look to the skies, and we relax Yes I wish that time stood still Dear Go gather our bags All we need is a little bit of luck A Cadillac And a small amount of bucks We’ll stay at the Last Frontier Mexico’s close Yes we’ll roam the Strip On the down low for a while Play Caribbean stud While you flirt and wink and smile In the evening we’ll be free Gone to Merida We hide in a damp motel Lit by neonlight Close the door And catch our breath We’d fight if there’d be time for that Instead we hug and sigh I light my final Chesterfield Stare at the door, and we relax Yes I wish that time stood still Dear Grab all that is left All we need is a little bit of luck A Hillman Minx And a small amount of bucks We’ll drive to that last frontier Mexico’s close Yes we’ll drive on down US highway 95 Entertain some men I take pictures for their wives In the morning we’ll be free Gone to Merida
4.
Fright Night 04:23
“In which a couple brings home a nice memento from Italy, and inadvertently summons the dark army.” I thought I told you To be careful with that book It’s smelling funny And I'm frightened by its looks Old crusted pages And a blood-red colored print Ghastly looking pictures That keep changing with each glimpse Now you can hear the people screaming On Magnolia Boulevard There's no use for fancy hideouts: They can smell just where you are Where exactly did they come from? Shirley, we will never know But now you've lit that cosmic beacon It's a safe bet where they'll go Yeay it's Fright Night Feel the heat Something’s clawing At my feet Strange emissions A thousand eyes Sudden death comes as no surprise When we entered That old shady antique store I had a feeling That I never felt before The crippled owner With the missing upper lip Told us stories of old writers With satanic partnerships As on obscure souvenir From this ancient part of Rome There was not much need for sno-globes So we purchased that old tome For 6 dollar 66 It was a bargain sure as hell And we left while being stared at By the freaky clientele Yeay it's Fright Night Feel the heat Something’s clawing At my feet Strange emissions A thousand eyes Sudden death comes as no surprise Now we’re stuck here In this shelter underground Feeding on the exotic mushrooms That I found They bring us visions Of depression and defeat But that surely can’t be worse Than all those freaks that roam the streets While you try to figure out If the barricade will hold I am contemplating methods To defeat this evil horde Then suddenly it’s freezing We drop our coffee to the floor Sprinting for our secret exit ‘Cause they’re knocking at our door Yeay it's Fright Night Feel the heat Something’s clawing At my feet Strange emissions A thousand eyes Sudden death comes as no surprise
5.
“In which a naive tourist earns herself a one-way ticket to a Chinese detention complex.” Sue walked around Smile on her face West-Beijing airport Was a wonderful place Plenty of shoppin’ Prizes a droppin’ While the planes rose into the air It was extraordinaire Welcome to Customs Can we check your bags You see one of them’s moving And I think I see legs You know it’s illegal To smuggle small people Animals and Asian chairs Put your hands in the air Welcome to the Ming Zhao paradise Where the kicks are for free The restrooms are communist So you share them with three Take your time to browse the menu You can pick your own disease You’ll see that our service is very nice You may pick how we whip There’s plenty mosquitos For the entire trip Everybody’s loving our regime Flash back some hours To the animal shop If you’re in Beijing ‘Tis the place you must stop Sue bought Chihuahuas Three Dalai Lamas And a wagonload of Asian stools Now we know she’s a fool Welcome to the Ming Zhao paradise Where the kicks are for free The restrooms are communist So you share them with three Take your time to browse the menu you can pick your own disease You’ll see that our service is very nice You may pick how we whip There’s plenty mosquitos For the entire trip Everybody’s loving our regime At night you hear the chains a-janglin’ The muted screams you know so well It reeks of sulphur Of fire and brimstone It’s oh so swell!
6.
“In which a former lover turns up to prevent a hypergamous marriage from happening.” Send a postcard to L.A. Addressed to all your girlfriends “It's passé” Jack popped the groom Restyled the room Francois wasn't without faults At least he had His private shopping mall But not a gun And too much rum You better scream For your daddy Say goodbye To your jet set dream Au revoir Tear up your dress Burn the pieces Light the sky Your happy honeymoon has Ditched the bride Mommy's lifted cheeks turned red While all the guests And pricey barmaids fled “So sad for me” No bon party Then he looked you in the eye He grew some wings And flew into the sky What sweet revenge You cursed in French You better scream For your daddy Say goodbye To your jet set dream Au revoir Tear up your dress Burn the pieces Light the sky Your happy honeymoon has Ditched the bride Life is so cruel They win, you lose Don't fret I say Things get worse The more you pay Send a letter from Hawaii “A change of plans of plans Start looking for a guy” Success depends On these demands: Twenty Gold Cards and a boat Rolls Royce, a plane A garden house that floats Nice hair, slick moves And bulletproof Bulletproof You better scream For your daddy Say goodbye To your jet set dream Au revoir Tear up your dress Burn the pieces Light the sky Your happy honeymoon has Ditched the bride
7.
“In which a woman turns out to be too intense of a personality for our protagonist.” It lasted seventeen days And I’m still amazed I got that far To her life was like a race With my sanity as the finish line She was a metaphor for more An angular curve No nerve No fear My dear I can’t hold on Goodbye I’ll miss you my dear Farewell Etcetera Good night, Suzanna It’s been one hell of a ride Italian opera seems tame Compared to you She had a beautiful place A nice use of space and time There we made love on the floor From seven to four What more could you want? I drank more coffee than was fun But still I was gone So stunned So beat This heat I can’t hold on Goodbye I’ll miss you my dear Farewell Etcetera Good night, Suzanna It’s been one hell of a ride Italian opera seems tame Compared to you Oh Suzanna, This been going on too long I didn’t realise That everything could go wrong When I hold you in my arms Disaster with a charm, oh! Goodbye I’ll miss you my dear Farewell Etcetera Good night, Suzanna It’s been one hell of a ride Italian opera seems tame Compared to you
8.
“In which a young father sees the benefits of living in a haunted, space-defying mansion.” Inspired by Mark Z. Danielewski’s novel ‘House of Leaves’. Our house Is a creepy house Expanding without growing Our house Is a spooky house It’s insides overflowing It moves When you look away It’s blueprints wrong upon review Our house Is an evil house And it’s looking to get you Our home Is an awkward home I’ve got miles of tape to prove it We’ve tried To explore its depths To find the evil and remove it We felt Like true pioneers Drawing maps guided by thread Our home Is an endless home And I fear it wants us dead While the spiral staircase Twists and winds And this mansion’s dread Invades our minds I can’t help but think There’s finally room for a pool In this House of Leaves This house This uncanny house I have kinda grown to dig it Though bleak And diabolical There’s a million ways to rig it A spa And a tennis court A labyrinth for kids to play This house Holds a thousand ways To keep you busy when you stay While the spiral staircase Twists and turns And we wake up badly Bruised and burnt We can now accommodate My mother-in-law In this House of Leaves At night I go in drifting Counting sheep and Minotaurs I dance to songs of echo And I read footnotes for hours For hours! My house My amazing house I can talk ‘bout it for ages I write And I document Aiming for a million pages The kids Like to hide and seek I haven’t seen them for a while My house My fantastic house It never fails to make me smile While the spiral staircase Twists and dives And an unseen terror Wants our lives I am glad we’re able to Adopt some more cats In this House of Leaves
9.
“In which the luckiest man on earth parts with his current life, to party down with the galaxy’s finest girls.” Inspired by Kurt Vonnegut’s novel ‘The Sirens of Titan’. Take me to Mercury, and beyond Past the shooting stars Via Martian wars Astral avatars And so on Cleanse me from memories of the past Of my lucky days And mischievous ways And my lack of grace When I’ll arrive I’ll finally feel alive Oh the Sirens of Titan Hook me up with the right one Black, white and golden skin I don’t know where to begin Curvy hips in a vacuum Hold your breath and go get ‘em This is deep-space party time It’s out of this world Make me a puppet in your plan Rearrange my life Born again through strife And a brand new wife ‘Cause you can Give me my final days in space I’ll relax and all In my Taj Mahal Watch the girls play ball If I’ll survive I’ll finally feel alive Oh the Sirens of Titan Hook me up with the right one Black, white and golden skin I don’t know where to begin Pretty girls that are weightless Never more I’ll be dateless This is deep-space party time It’s out of this world Oh the Sirens of Titan Hook me up with the right one I said black, white and golden skin I don’t know where to begin Curvy hips in a vacuum Hold your breath and go get ‘em This is deep-space party time Pretty girls that are weightless I will never be dateless This is deep-space Zero-gravity boobies This ain’t no game for newbies This is deep-space Chrono-synclastic hooters And quantum computers This is deep-space Astronomical cuties Blowing licks on their fluties This is deep-space Sexy space señoritas And black hole margaritas This is deep-space party time It’s out of this world
10.
OASIS 04:35
"In which a man longs to reconnect with a former lover, through cyberspace." Inspired by Ernest Kline's novel 'Ready Player One'. We screamed We cried We fought most every day We took the love we both created And let it slip away I don't remember what you feel like Or how you sound these days But when I'm sad Or down Or lonely I only want to say: Let's slip into the OASIS And have some private time We'll chill and play some music Sweet music In this dream sublime No touch Is real And yet it feels so true A world composed of rays and vectors Of green and red and blue Not bothered by our true appearance We'll reboot our own past A wishful thought But worth pursuing While hoping for the best Let's slip into the OASIS And have some private time We'll chill and play some music Sweet music In this dream sublime

about

Rejected Scripts is an album filled with imaginative tales:

Every song is a compact story, with subject matters ranging from gleefully crafted nightmarish scenarios to playful commentaries on contemporary literature (and sometimes both!).

The music is built upon funky rhythms, unexpected melodies, rich harmonies and playful arrangements. A sophisticated mixture of pop, jazz, blues and funk influences.

credits

released March 20, 2016

Produced by M.A. Bakker www.mabakker.com

Personnel:

Maarten Bakker - all music & lyrics, arrangements, bass guitar, guitars, keyboards, backing vocals (track 2 & 8), mixing & editing, recording engineer, artwork, catering

Warren Byrd - lead vocals

Peter Weissink - drums

Natasja den Toom - backing vocals (track 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 & 10)

Simon Feenstra - backing vocals (track 1, 3, 4, 5 & 6)

Anna Zeijlemaker - flute (track 5 & 9), piccolo (track 5)

Hans van Wingerden - trumpet (track 1, 6, 7, 8)

David Wilschut - tenor saxophone (track 1, 6, 7, 8)

Jos van den Heuvel - trombone (track 1, 6, 7, 8)

Jordi Langelaan (Barn In The Meadow Studios) - mastering, recording engineer drums & horns

Rob Verbakel - photography

Special thanks to: Anna (for her endless patience), Janny & Paul (for continued support), Lonny Ziblat, Daniel Ernst & Jordi Langelaan (for invaluable feedback), Saskia Laroo (for making her gardenhouse available), Toon Verbakel (for providing the office), Albert Jan Zeijlemaker (for vintage props)

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